I love Mondays. I've always seen Mondays as an opportunity for a fresh start and a deep introverted breath of solitude after all the weekend togetherness. I love people, but being alone recharges my batteries.
About six weeks ago, I’d been planning all week to go with a friend to the DMV very early the following Monday morning. We both needed to renew our driver’s licenses, so we figured, why not make it a date? Sadly, by Sunday night our family schedule didn’t shake out the way I’d hoped so I couldn't follow through with our plans. It was such a bummer because I really cherish my time with this friend.
Not surprisingly though, when I woke up on Monday morning I found that I wasn’t all that disappointed about not having to head to the DMV at 6am. As much as I was sad to give up time with my friend, I was delighted to carry on with my regular Monday morning routine. I issued myself a new agenda for the day: stay at home and keep to myself. I love days like that! Days when I can get my kids out the door and take hours to think and pray and read and study and write and... exist in solitude!
I immediately started scribbling notes about all the projects I was going to work on. There were so many huge ideas that I'd been holding onto for so long and a surprise day with nothing on the schedule was super motivating. After a little time of planning and prayer, I was feeling so inspired and optimistic that I posted on IG about how I love Mondays and that I was ready to climb the next mountain! I included this verse from 1 Corinthians:
Remember to stay alert and hold firmly to all that you believe. Be mighty and full of courage. Let love and kindness be the motivation behind all that you do.
{1 Corinthians 16:13-14 TPT}
Feeling mighty and full of courage, I topped up my coffee in my favorite new double-walled clear glass mug. I had recently bought that sweet mug in a set of two from Sur la Table as a gift to my husband for our 13th anniversary. Just then I heard my oldest daughter in the basement bathroom getting ready for her day and went most of the way down the stairs to say good morning. I stopped about six steps from the bottom and spoke to her for a few moments over the banister. As I turned around to go back up to the kitchen, my foot slipped and my hip and ribcage slammed down onto the wooden staircase. My precious mug smashed into the banister as I slid to the floor below with shattered glass and hot coffee on and all around me. I was pretty stunned at first. My butt and hip took the brunt of the impact, and I’m not gonna lie— it HURT. I had a huge bruise on my bum for weeks!
As soon as the initial shock wore off, I started laughing hysterically. I found it hilariously ironic that a typical Monday mishap immediately followed my obnoxiously optimistic and motivated post about how much I loved Mondays! As I swept up the glass in my soggy jammies, I told my daughters how I was sure that many people would let this set the tone for their entire week, but that I was determined to just let the whole thing roll off my back and keep a positive attitude toward the day.
The truth is, the capacity to take charge over my thoughts and emotions does not come naturally. The circumstances of my childhood and adolescence trained me to be ever listening for the other shoe to drop. My family of origin was accustomed to dealing with one adverse event after another and this shaped my attitude toward life. I walked around looking for the next horrible situation.
When I married my husband, he had to very intentionally retrain my thinking to not expect the worst from life. He would speak Truth over me and remind me of God’s goodness. I soon recognized that recalling God’s faithfulness is like fertilizer for your trust in Him. Even when the worst happens, I can see that He’s moving and working things out for His glory. There’s victory in choosing faith over fear. But it’s a choice.
Our assumptions direct what we continually choose to think about a situation, or person, or even ourselves. These assumptions shape our attitude. We can assume the best and carry a positive attitude or assume the worst and carry a negative attitude. Recognizing assumptions as not being based in reality influences our attitude, or the way we settle into thinking about something.
With an appropriate attitude, there is a shift in our way of looking at things or our perspective. A perspective that applies the overcoming Power of Jesus to every circumstance delivers victory.
When you look at the hard stuff, what do you see? Do you see only the problem? What was done to you? Your pain?
Or are you able to focus your eyes on the One who saved you?
Our perspective will determine the role we play in our own stories. Will we play the victim… or the victor?
I’m here to tell you, Believer, YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM! You are a Victor. By the Power of Christ in you, your character is always victorious over struggle! But listen, faith that brings strength to choose an overcoming attitude is a muscle. And muscle grows stronger with practice and injury. Strength comes through healing, not by fleeing from struggle.
Did you know that muscles grow as they heal from the micro-lacerations that occur as they resist greater and greater force? But our muscles can’t recover and heal unless we’re feeding ourselves properly. Just like a body builder who is constantly shredding her muscles must be sure to keep up an adequate protein intake, a Believer who wishes to walk in victory must keep up her Truth intake.
What are you listening to? What are you reading? Who is talking to you and what are they talking about? Have you surrounded yourself with victims who dwell on their terrible sadness and defeat? Or are you engaged in a community of people who walk in victory?
What we continually hear shapes how we think and that is the source of what we speak. When we proclaim our sorrows to the world, we might gain the attention and sympathy of others for a time, but eventually, people move on and so should we. Do we want to wallow alone, or worse, attract other wallowing victims who will affirm our miserable state? There’s no growth or forward movement in that place or in those relationships. The longer we listen to words of defeat, the harder it becomes to adjust our perspective.
We can’t settle on a way of thinking that causes us to behave like a victim. Instead, "Remember to stay alert and hold firmly to all that you believe. Be mighty and full of courage. Let love and kindness be the motivation behind all that you do.” {1 Corinthians 16:13-14 TPT} We have to intentionally choose to preach Truth to ourselves and speak words of Hope over our circumstances to change our attitude!
What is the motivation behind everything someone with a victim mentality does? Revenge? Gaining attention or pity? It is certainly not love and kindness or service to others. A victim is self-consumed, and therefore unable to serve or be present for others. On the other hand, one who has overcome adversity and is walking in victory is looking for how to leverage their negative experience for the good of others. They are walking with an attitude of victory, giving them the strength, through Jesus living and working in them, to continue conquering and overcoming!
"You see, every child of God overcomes the world, for our faith is the victorious power that triumphs over the world.” {1 John 5:4 TPT}
Children who know their identity will resist playing the victim. They will always walk in the victorious Power of HOPE for the sake of the Gospel.
It's not always simple or easy in the midst of real adversity, but we can choose to adjust our attitude, shift our perspective, and see the Truth of Jesus working in every situation. Romans 5:3-4 tells us to REJOICE in affliction. The way God designed us to operate under affliction is to let it make us stronger! How we react to adversity develops our character for better or for worse. Our reaction is a choice. Making a productive choice takes effort, intention, and training in the offseason when things are going well. It takes daily determination to recognize discouragement from the enemy of God. It takes a conscious process of rejecting negative assumptions when they enter our minds. It takes humility to recognize a habitual way of looking at something that has shaped an inappropriate attitude. Attitudes are reflected in our behavior, so this might take some behavioral changes as well.
This is all rather uncomfortable and introspective, but friends, it’s worth it! Developing a Heavenly perspective will radically increase the work of the Spirit in and through you. That’s a promise! When you face your circumstances unaffected by the discouragement the world wants to throw at you, you will reveal Christ’s character and deliver Hope to those around you! And that, folks, is what this life is all about.